Spiritual Director enables directee to attune to God¦s Presence, to reflect and discern what God wants as they fulfill the spiritual direction covenant

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Director

Tom Daniel
209 Pond Dr.
Divide, CO 80814
719-687-3331
road2hebron@jesusanswers.com

The Patriarch

Personal Approach, Models for Practice, Personal Disciplines

Covenant of Direction

Prior to the first meeting, the directee and director both ask God to reveal His desire for an ongoing spiritual direction relationship. Together the pair arranges future meetings and an evaluation time within 4 months. Neither should decide the future based on one meeting. The director then should reflect on the 3-way conversation with the directee and the Holy Spirit, before preparing for the next meeting. The director is responsible for referring the directee to another for help when the relationship does not work well. But because the relationship is dependent on the Spirit, hope is eternal.

The covenant between director and directee needs to be reviewed periodically (at least annually) and a mutual decision is necessary to continue the relationship. While either party can terminate the relationship any time, each should honor his commitment to “engage fully and remain in the relationship” for the agreed-upon time period. Continued participation is a way of remaining available to God. Each should examine reasons for separating and what he will do if the relationship ends. Prayer should precede the extension and/or termination. Struggles in this relationship “reflect struggles in one’s relationship with God.” Should the direction relationship end in disagreement or betrayal, vulnerability will be difficult in future relationships. Seek no other spiritual directier because of defensiveness or disenchantment with the current director.

Agenda

Non-directive spiritual direction is most effective. The director is to lead the directee to the Holy Spirit as the real director. He notes questions to ask after the story has been told. He looks for what is not voiced. He should plan for silence before responding to pray and ask God where the conversation should go. Then he mirrors what he heard the directee communicating to check the accuracy of his perception. The director responds through teaching, comforting, discerning, pointing to scripture, prayer. He helps the directee recognize the interconnectedness of his prayer and life experiences. And he ends the session with prayer: individual or shared; silent or audible.

Any experience of God is initiated by the Holy Spirit. The directee is encouraged to notice his own experience with God rather than second hand information. Childhood perceptions of God influence present responses. The director must uncover and address hidden feelings, ideas, and suspicions, such as inability to surrender or feel forgiven. The director facilitates an intentional relationship through repentance and faith. He points out things that lead toward self-inflation and cooperate with God in bringing the directee to Christ-likeness.

Directees choose the topics of discussion that has meaning and significance and do most of the talking. The primary goal is to address what the Spirit brings to attention and remain open to His leading. If both parties are speaking authentically and listening to God, He completes the relationship. Trust in God is evidenced by relinquishing the agenda. The directee shares his stories of how God works in his circumstance. He talks about feelings, thoughts, and responses. The director must leave room for unexpected topics by having an open agenda. He looks for connections between issues that appear during the conversations.
Themes become apparent when the directee tells his story without interruption. But a dialogue may be better when the story is long. Frequent themes in direction relationships include: fruitfulness from barrenness; transitions; trust issues; personal significance; health related losses. To discern God’s initiatives, seek: alignment with scripture; spiritual fruit; congruence with Christlikeness, personal history a relationship with God; a sense of peace; and the way to do what God invites.

Distinguishing the direction relationship

Two people agreeing to give full attention to what God is doing in one life is spiritual direction. The director encourages the directee to listen and respond to God. He also listens with the directee for how God’s Spirit is present and active. The directee must trust God for the spiritual direction relationship. For the benefit of the directee, the director meets together to listen to each other and to the Spirit. Direction incorporates preaching, teaching, pastoral counseling, intercession, and healing prayer.
At various times, the director/ directee relationship will take on the following relations:
mentor to mentee; spiritual father to his child; shepherd to his sheep; pastor to his parishioner; guide to his follower; midwife to expectant mother; prayer companions; spiritual and soul friends. Spiritual direction is not to solve problems that surface, as a pastoral counselor would do. Neither is it to develop core competencies, which a coach or mentor seeks to do. Nor is it to teach about God and the spiritual life, as a discipler does. It is merely to focus on where God is in the circumstances around the problem and what the directee’s correct response to God should be.

Benefits of Spiritual Guidance

Transitions are shortened in spiritual direction as the directee describes hindrances and confusion in a prayerful conversation. Discernment is gained as one responds to the circumstances and choices follow the priorities set by God. The directee improves meaningful interaction after recognizing his scatteredness. Spiritual direction develops patience when one remains available to God. Trusting God includes willingness. Dependency on God “overflows into relationships with other people.”
Disciplines in Spiritual Direction

Disciplines benefit one in the following ways: focusing on, surrendering to, and opening up to God; experiencing increased awareness of and satisfaction with God and willingness be limited in relating to Him; renewal; freedom to hear God and believe His love; continued progress in relationships; increased fruitfulness. Four practices help one discern which disciplines God desires for a period of time: spiritual direction; spiritual journaling; setting aside a place, and establishing a rule of life. Planning one’s rule includes individual, small and large group disciplines for a pre-determined length of time at a set place. It may include worship/ prayer (individual and corporate), silence and solitude, retreats, spiritual reading (Bible and classics), health habits, stewardship, family and individual disciplines, and abstinence (food, sex, TV). A good rule describes who one desires/ intends to become in human and Divine relationships, rather than what one will do.

    Disciplines accomplish one’s desire to cooperate with the Spirit, bringing encouragement, healing, renewal, instruction, and challenge to one’s life. They influence all of personhood. Body responses indicate the avoidance of things or pushing of selves into situations or experiences that are wrong. None can accomplish anything spiritual, but all can open up to God and invite the Spirit’s presence. In physical activity, some experience a release of restlessness to better pay attention to prayer. Others choose stillness to let go of activities and be abvailable to God. In stillness, they become conscious of racings and wanderings of minds and emotions, so they turn loose of them in centering prayer. It helps some to repeat phrases to draw toward contemplation.

Group Spiritual Direction
    When forming a spiritual direction group, each member should:
commit to participate for a set period of time at an agreed upon time and place;
agree to protect the confidentiality of the group;share expectations, intentions, and hopes with the group; agree to pray for each other; The group should arrange for leadership responsibilities by: choosing structure, facilitator, and format for meeting; provide a prayerful, welcoming environment;plan for an opening service of scripture reading, prayer, and quiet time;determine the time each member will receive the group’s attention and plan for feedback; identify appropriate feedback;
determine how to invite God’s presence; determine how to begin and end each session and when socializing will be allowed.

Commitment

The spiritual direction group member must commit to an honest relationship with God, prayerful listening and responding in the group process, and opening his spiritual journey to the group. Each member receives direction indirectly through observing others nurture their relationship with God. One member should be praying silently for 15 minutes before passing it on to the next prayer. Likewise each member should be the focus of the group’s prayer and listening for a specified period of time before passing on to the next member. The members may also take turns as the leader or facilitator, who does not receive direction in the group, but is prayerfully available to listen to God and the members. But the group, not the facilitator, is the director. Increasing the size of the group complicates the dynamics, which may enrich or limit its effectiveness. Four people is the optimal size for a spiritual direction group, with 20 minutes devoted to each member.

The spiritual director does not appoint himself, but is called forth by God through other people. He must offer himself to God for the purpose of being the spiritual companion of others. In his relationship with God, he must: continue a love relationship with the Triune God; commit himself to the scriptures; acknowledge God as the source of truth; notice and trust the Holy Spirit’s presence in himself and in the directee; trust God to work in the directee; and give God the credit.

The directee retains responsibility for his own relationship with God. Both parties follow scriptural standards for ethical, moral behavior and two way confidentiality. In spiritual directing, the director must commit himself to: pray for the spiritual relationship of himself and the directee; listen to God in and outside of direction meetings; keep personal issues outside of the relationship; accompany the directee in his seeking after God; share his vulnerability and need for God; call upon experience to relate to the directee; allow for laughter in his relationships; allow the directee to grow in his own way; listen for God’s agenda; love the directee; discern the directee’s readiness to respond to God; speak the truth in love; honor confidentiality; refer directees for medical diagnosis, counseling or another director; provide for supervision and accountability in directing.

Compatibility
    It is easier to maintain proper and healthy boundaries when direction relationships are established outside of social relationships. Usually the choice must be made between spiritual companionship or social relationship. It is very difficult to be objective when trying to listen to God on behalf of one’s spouse. Friends can serve mutually as directors by alternately assuming the role of director and directee. But the directee must focus on his role without thinking about directing another later
    The director’s theological presuppositions should be compatible with those of the directee. The directee feels overly transparent when the director is too much like him. Yet he cannot understand a director who is too different from him. The director should command respect and appreciation from his directee by assuring him in his spiritual relationships and faith. Thus the director must identify differences that make difficult telling the truth to the directee. He must recognize whether the relationship embodies the right similarities and differences because the health of the relationship is dependent on the freedom to express God’s message.
    Spiritual direction is an intimate relationship, involving every aspect of humanness, including sexuality. Spiritual and sexual intimacy can become confused. Open lovingness to humans results from open lovingness to God and vice versa. While intimate prayer arouses some sexually, these feelings should be acknowledged and offered back to God in prayer, seeking the Spirit’s guidance. Both parties need to pray for a relationship that will not divert from God by sexual desires.
    Spiritual direction problems are related to the directee’s relationships with God and the director. The appropriate level of interdependence must be discovered as the two listen to the Sprit on behalf of the directee. Too much dependence or independence diverts attention from God. The directee may hold on to the director (who is available to God on his behalf). But such exclusivity creates problems (e.g., substituting the director for God, copying the director’s spiritual journey, or becoming attracted sexually).

Trust
    The director helps the directee overcome areas in which he is stuck and cannot make visible progress. The directee has experienced loss, changes in self-perception, dissatisfaction, or merely a yearning for God. The Spirit encourages man to be willing not to know but to trust Him. Ask, “How is God inviting to use intellect in particular disciplines for a specific time?”
    The directee acknowledges he does not know all he needs in the spiritual realm. He responds to the Holy Spirit’s invitation to growing intimacy. He must give up his expectations of himself and others in order to place his hope in God. He must be willing to be aware of our expectations and desires. In order to receive God’s love and guidance, He must be vulnerable enough to give up his priorities and invest less in his own ways. The director must assist him in surrendering his ego to God. One experiences God’s prompting not only through the intellect, but also through emotions and the will. Ask oneself what emotions the Spirit wants to use. Ask God to listen to and clarify emotions and to draw out healthy emotions. The will(the center of willingness and willfulness) is the place of “labored questions about relationship with God.”
    The director must learn what level of authority the directee ascribes to scripture (final authority, primary authority, historical document, or holding the core of faith). However, he does not correct or critique his interpretation. The director challenges him to speak about his true condition, to name his difficulty, and seek God’s grace. He helps the directee see aspects of self presently hidden. He awakens awareness to trouble spots. Companionship connects directees with Jesus more than analysis or pondering does. The director asks “where is God in this?”To help identify the genuineness of subsequent experiences, look at history with God. Notice how a particular experience influenced attitudes, daily living, and relationship with God. Pay attention to experience through prayer, scripture, solitude, and journaling. “Particular ways of reading scripture, seeking out trusted people for counsel, or taking a quiet retreat” are prayerfully open practices of discernment. “Discernment is a habit of turning to God and listening no matter what is transpiring.” Prayerfully continuing through the discernment process includes inviting the Spirit to speak, asking for grace to recognize and accurately interpret, moving forward . . . noticing what transpires; and framing the discernment (What is the focus of this discernment process?)”
    The directee is called to trust God more than themselves when he becomes uncomfortable
or confused about his spiritual relationship. His perception of God determines how much he trusts Him. He must be convinced that God is moving him into uncomfortable situations in order to give him something better. Spiritual direction encourages one to invite God to expand faith. Seeking to control one’s circumstances causes faith in God to be discarded. The directee’s ability clearly to see God and man is clouded by his self-trust. The director must remind him that all is not dependent on him and that he must relinquish control to God. Only through interactive relationships can he deepen his trust in God. Discernment means one is willing to: trust in God’s goodness; follow God’s way; believe scripture’s authority; continue to pray; notice one’s preferences and sense of well-being; be active or passive, authentic and open to information; not rely on one method; confront or accept a delay; take the time required to be clear; and understand the group process. The director must also help the directee see that God trusts him. He entrusts the directee with His presence, values, Word, and actions in the world. God trusts man to incarnate Him to others by listening, relating, and acting for God in the lives of men.

Logistics
    Monthly meetings for an hour are normal, as longer meetings encourage wasting time and more frequent meetings do not allow time for the assignments to be completed. The meeting should take place in a comfortable, private place that will eliminate distractions and privacy issues. The director should choose objects that remind of God’s presence and love; i.e., scripture passages, cross, candle, pictures of biblical themes. The director may use a camp or retreat center that will allow outside parapatetic conversations that give a greater sense of freedom. Some directees prefer the safety of having others in a room nearby.
    Direction is costly to both parties in terms of emotional energy, time, care, intentionality, willingness, prayer, and surrender to God. The discussion of fees for spiritual direction should take place early in the direction relationship. Direction can only be full-time work with payment for the services. The directee takes more seriously the direction when he makes a financial contribution. The directee does not pay for the session, advice, or counsel. He contributes to the support of the direction ministry. The directee’s ability to pay must be taken into account to provide sliding fee scales or scholarships.

The Role of the Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit’s guidance is marked by identifying characteristics. One may ask, “Will this reflect Christ and the principles that guided him in life? How does this align with scripture? ” Prayerfully evaluate options to discern whether one energizes or excites. Observe outward circumstances or inner responses to options.

The director allows the Holy Spirit to set the agenda, with the goal being to guide the directee to become more like Christ. Neither party is to set the agenda for the meetings, which average one hour per month. This limited contact insures the directee keeps responsibility for his own development, rather than depending on the director. The primary resource for both director and directee is the Holy Spirit. The primary relationship in direction is between God and the directee. The director is last in importance. The Spirit is the teacher and the source of power. The spiritual director invites the Spirit to choose the topics, guide the discussion, and teach truth. The directee’s choices become the focus for prayer and reflection. Rather than seeking change, the directee must seek God Himself. The goal of direction is intentionally giving God our attention and thus our love. The directee seeks to deepen his communion with the Creator.

The Role of Prayer

Prayer is the context of spiritual direction, both during and between meetings. While the pair actively pursue the Holy Spirit, they passively wait to hear what He says, even when dissatisfied. The director listens to God from inside the directee’s relationship with God. This requires the director quietly to wait in observance of God’s activity. In the midst of praying together, the two converse on the daily prayer experience. The director listens to the directee to help him hear what God is saying that has not been heard. Out of this praying together, the director listens, questions, challenges, clarifies, discerns, affirms, comforts, encourages, counsels, and teaches. The director encourages the directee toward contemplative prayer to open up to God for the purpose of loving than supplicating God. He prays about the methods to be used to cooperate with God.
Discernment prayer includes bringing to God in the open all on one’s heart; battling with self and God; asking to see; believing God reveals His desires; and choosing what God reveals. Discernment is dependent on obedience to what God says. Willing agreement is essential. God is more interested in willingness not to know but to “trust without reservation, to live with ambiguity and continue in faith and love.”